(The Epoch Times)—In the world of electric vehicles, where the allure of green technology meets the practicality of everyday life, there are those who embrace the electric revolution with a unique flair.
Enter the unapologetic connoisseur of contradictions, the embodiment of the unexpected, the aficionado of electric eccentricities, and a character worthy of exploration.
Here are 18 reasons why you really need an electric car:
1. You’re a Tolstoy enthusiast who’s never quite conquered the monumental War and Peace. Fear not, for that long charging queue becomes your literary sanctuary where you can immerse yourself in 1,225 pages of Russian opulence while your electric steed gains its much-needed energy boost.
2. Fine dining at Chiswick, Margaret, and Quay is a given, but have you truly lived until you’ve sampled the delights of the local servo? Post-War and Peace, dive into the exquisite world of slurpees, gristly meat pies, and try-hard coffee at the gas station. Breakfast and lunch might just be a charging queue away. YOLO.
3. Forget Bill Gates and his private jets; your guilty pleasure is the toasty warmth of a winterized garage. Electric cars, much like their owners, detest the cold. Embrace the synergy by parking your electric chariot in a heated garage—a warm welcome indeed.
4. Having dabbled in the vaccine, insect, and windfarm markets, your financial portfolio is diverse, and now you’re eyeing a substantial tax break. The depreciation of your EV will outpace its traditional counterparts so why not amass a fleet to elegantly trim that hefty annual tax bill?
5. Hitchhiking adventures or solitary contemplation on a deserted country road, anyone? Electric cars need to charge frequently. So if you’re going on a long journey, there’s a chance you may not make it to the next EV charging station. This is where War and Peace also comes in handy.
6. Virtue signaling ascends to new heights as the Tesla logo joins forces with needles and any flag that isn’t your own country. The EV isn’t just a mode of transport; it’s your declaration of values to the world.
7. You have a longing for Victorian times and it’s not just the taxidermy and corsets. Children learned the value of money in those times. Maybe sending them down a coal mine wasn’t ideal but better than being stuck up a chimney and having someone light a fire. Child slave labor is alive and well today in Africa where children are used to mine cobalt by hand in order to produce the 60 pounds of cobalt needed for one EV battery.
8. Unveil your inner Victorian Goth with a penchant for blackouts, cold baths and for the truly avant-garde, cockroach milk. Electric cars may shine but the allure of darkness prevails in this world of renewables.
9. Coal mining is so pre-COVID. No, it’s lithium, cobalt, graphite, and aluminum all the way. A single EV battery needs 30 pounds of lithium, 60 pounds of cobalt, 130 pounds of graphite, and roughly 500 pounds of steel aluminum, manganese, plastic and other materials. Happy. Happy. Joy. Joy.
10. You’ve always wanted to live in a permanent Disneyland—believing that electric cars have zero emissions. California awaits.
11. Are you concerned about pollution emissions in first-world countries?
Just shift the burden to the third world where toxic substances required for EV batteries become an unavoidable reality.
12. Anything a diesel Mercedes C220 D can do your Tesla Model 3 can do better e.g. emit 11 to 28 percent more CO2 over the lifespan of the Mercedes.
13. You’re a great delegator and will happily delegate power regarding your movements to the government. Of course, they should be allowed to turn your car off at any time because SCIENCE.
14. Do you live in an inner city Teal electorate where electricity prices skyrocketing become inconsequential? Teal and Tesla go hand in hand. That $5,000 power bill is a small price to pay for coolness. And the seventh needle in your profile seals the deal for the ultimate in virtue signaling nonchalance.
15. MI5 dreams come true with a tracking device worthy of James Bond. And the cherry on top? Celebrating the gender and potential trans identity of 007 while cruising in your Tesla.
16. Do you have a soft spot for China? You can acknowledge their prowess in lithium processing 40 percent of the world’s raw lithium and dominating the market with an 80 percent share.
17. For you the intricacies of how the EV charges and the origin of coal-fired electricity remain a mystery. It’s battery-operated and that’s all that matters.
18. And then there are those with aerostatiophobia, an affliction not to be taken lightly. The genuine fear of gas stations, it seems is a reality. While it’s unfortunate to miss out on the gourmet treats these stations offer, the silver lining of a battery-operated car is the blissful avoidance of gas station visits altogether.
After all, who needs to confront their fears when the hum of an electric charge is music to your tax-saving ears?
Bypass Big Tech Censors
Two Storms, One Harvest
Every food crisis in living memory has been a one-shock event. The 2008 price spike was a commodity bubble. The 2020 shortages were a logistics failure. The 2022 grain scare was a war on one exporter’s ports. Each time, the system bent, adjusted, and recovered, and each time the experts assured us afterward that global markets are simply too big and too diversified to fail.
What nobody in Washington seems eager to discuss is that 2026 is shaping up to be something the modern food system has never actually faced. Two independent shocks, one climatic and one geopolitical, are converging on the same harvest cycle at the same time. Not sequentially. Simultaneously.
Start with the weather. The Pacific Ocean is currently building toward what forecasters now openly call a record event. NOAA’s Climate Prediction Center puts the odds of at least a strong El Niño near 88 percent, with roughly two in three odds it reaches “very strong” status, the tier reserved for perhaps three or four events in the entire satellite era. Every major global model now projects a median peak in Super El Niño territory, and most of them project it exceeding the 2015-16 event, which until now held the modern record. Sea surface anomalies were already brushing the super threshold in mid-July, months before these events normally peak. The atmosphere has already shifted into El Niño mode, and the event is forecast to crest in late fall and early winter.
This is not about “climate change.” It’s about the standard cycles of weather, and the cycle we’re currently in is one that has likely devastated societies in the past. We’re better prepared as a society today, but not all Americans are equally prepared.
Serious households have started doing the quiet math on their own. Grocery bills tell part of the story, and the forecast maps tell the rest, which is why long-term food storage has moved from fringe hobby to mainstream line item in the family budget, with established suppliers like Heaven’s Harvest seeing demand from people who five years ago would have rolled their eyes at the idea. That instinct is not paranoia. It is pattern recognition, and the pattern is worth walking through carefully.
Editor’s Note: Heaven’s Harvest IS a sponsor, but the warnings of this article are real and would be written even if we didn’t have a survival food sponsor. With that said, those who take advantage of what they offer can use promo code “Patriot” for 15% off.
The Fertilizer Clock Is Already Running
While the Pacific warms, the second shock has been unfolding in the Strait of Hormuz. The conflict with Iran turned the world’s most important energy chokepoint into a contested waterway, and the consequences reach far beyond the gas pump. Roughly a third of global fertilizer trade moves through Hormuz, and the disruption sent urea prices up 86 percent year over year by March, with a 53 percent jump in a single month.
The World Bank projects energy prices rising about 24 percent in 2026 and fertilizer about 31 percent. By its own accounting, fertilizer prices ran 35 percent higher in the first five months of this year than the same period last year.
Here is the mechanism the nightly news will not explain. Fertilizer is not a grocery item. It is a time-delayed input. The nitrogen a farmer in Iowa or Punjab could not afford to apply this spring does not show up as a problem this spring. It shows up as a thinner harvest six to twelve months later.
The World Bank’s own food security brief concedes that the effects of reduced applications earlier this season “are likely to become visible only later in harvest outcomes.” Translate that from institutional language into plain English and it means this. The damage is already done, it is already in the ground, and we are simply waiting for it to arrive on the shelf.
Now check the calendar. Six to twelve months from the spring planting season lands us squarely in late 2026 and early 2027. Which is precisely when the strongest El Niño in the instrumental record is forecast to peak, bringing its signature droughts to Southeast Asia, Australia, southern Africa, northern Brazil, and South Asia, the very regions that grow the world’s rice, sugar, and oilseeds.
The World Bank warns openly that a strong El Niño “could disrupt multiple crop belts simultaneously” on top of the conflict-driven input costs. Their baseline projection assumes the Middle East disruptions ease by autumn. What in the last two years of Middle East history suggests that assumption is safe?
The System Has No Slack Left
The comfortable answer is that global markets always adjust. But adjustment requires slack, and the slack is gone. Global cereal production is expected to decline from last year’s records even before El Niño does its work. The UN World Food Programme, hardly a den of right-wing preppers, is calling this the most significant disruption to its supply chains since Covid and the invasion of Ukraine, and its supply chain director put the stakes bluntly.
Today’s supply chain challenges are tomorrow’s hunger crisis.
There is also a political dimension that markets cannot price. When food gets scarce, governments do not behave like economists. They behave like politicians. Export bans, hoarding mandates, and panic buying at the national level turned the modest rice shortfall of 2008 into a global crisis, and analysts are already warning that import-dependent nations are the first dominoes.
The 2015-16 Super El Niño, a far weaker event than what is now forecast, threw tens of millions into food stress across Africa and Asia. This one is projected to be stronger, and it arrives with fertilizer already rationed by price and shipping lanes already contested by missiles.
What Joseph Knew
Scripture does not treat preparation for lean years as faithlessness. It treats it as wisdom delivered in advance to those willing to act on it.
Behold, there come seven years of great plenty throughout all the land of Egypt: And there shall arise after them seven years of famine; and all the plenty shall be forgotten in the land of Egypt.
Joseph did not respond to that warning with a hashtag or a committee. He stored grain during the years of abundance, and when the famine came, Egypt stood while its neighbors begged. The lesson is not that famine is certain. It is that the time to prepare is precisely when preparation still looks optional.
Nobody who filled a pantry in a year of plenty has ever regretted it, and nobody standing in an empty aisle has ever been glad he waited for certainty.
None of this calls for panic, and panic is the enemy of sound judgment anyway. It calls for the same unglamorous prudence our grandparents considered ordinary. Keep some cash margin, know your local growers, and put real food in deep storage while it is cheap and available, because the entire arc of this story is that cheap and available is a closing window.
Families looking for a straightforward place to start can visit Heaven’s Harvest and use promo code Patriot for 15 percent off long-term storable food. The forecasts may yet soften, the strait may yet reopen, and we should pray they do. But hope is a fine thing to hold and a foolish thing to eat.